So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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