did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Houston, we have a squirter
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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