we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
