How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
