Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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