i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
