"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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