1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
