weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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