WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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