think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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