Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
