I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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