my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
