You work out of a Hotel?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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