I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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