It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
