Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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