we should wear snuggies to the strip club
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
