put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
worst night to have a conscience
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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