i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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