I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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