As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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