he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i came on her dog
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
