so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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