Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
