so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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