So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
