oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
