Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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