So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
