I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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