apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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