Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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