I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
