Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
