I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
