Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I have aggressive nipples.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
