you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
