NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.