i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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