Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(704): View more from North Carolina

i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.

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(404): View more from Georgia

There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.

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(757): View more from Virginia

everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(505): View more from New Mexico

I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?

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(386): View more from Florida

Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?

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(928): View more from Arizona

We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.

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