Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
