He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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