Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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