At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
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