I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
