so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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