She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
