And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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