Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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