i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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