On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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