I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
