there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
