I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
