just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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