i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
