so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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