they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
