i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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