I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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