I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I need to sanitize my soul.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
