Porn is love you can see.
My cat gives me a boner
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
