From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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