Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
