meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
