who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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