I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
